Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
