Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
