Will you blow on my dice?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize