Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
People with herpes should wear stickers.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
