I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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