I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
