No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
