yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
