I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The uberlube is also flammable
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
