There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
