Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
