She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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