I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
