I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
