I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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