I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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