Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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