Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
