i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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