I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize