I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
