I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
