I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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