Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
