I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
