Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
