Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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