mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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