While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
