i barfeds in our rink
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
