My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
