My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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