You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
