Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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