Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
