this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize