I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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