You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
