My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
