there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
