Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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