I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she told me i tasted like america
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
