ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
