I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
birth control should be required to get into college
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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