Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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