he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
