He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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