I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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