Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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