Pappa wants mamma naked
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
