drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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