whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
