think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize