You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
