its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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