I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
