did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
