i just made my gag reflex go away.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
