before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
