and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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