at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
