Please, let me fuck your mom
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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