I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
