ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
did i walk over a car last night?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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