She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
