They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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