He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
