took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
