I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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