No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
