I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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