you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
