she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
