Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
