I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
