She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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