I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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