Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
