God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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