she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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