Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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