How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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