I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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