i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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