I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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