dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He passed out mid-signature
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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