First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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