He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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