just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
