this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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