3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
