dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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