Please, let me fuck your mom
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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