Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
