Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
