I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
