You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize