I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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