Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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