U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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