Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Randomize
